beatific vision

Limbo,a quiet place where souls who neither sinned in life nor worked any good to speak of, and whom were rejected by heaven, are cast to walk for all eternity. On the banks of the river Styx they circle. Flickering souls, gray and grainy. No pain. No anger. No joy. Simply... numb. They watch, from dark sockets, the scores of screeching throngs forced to board Charon's vessel, and then carried away to be judged and sentenced by Minos, the black King of Crete.

Limbo in it's grotesque magnificence, has given me shelter. I sit here alone in the dark and I weep for the unbaptized babies. I watch. I see what they see, I feel what they feel - I share their nothingness. I share their hopelessness. It is this nothingness, this nonexistence, we all felt in life. It is this lack of ambition, this passivity, this self-induced detachment from the world, which caused Heaven to turn it's back on us. Man turned it's back on us. You turned your back on me. You turned and walked the fuck away.

And like a scared shitless impotent asshole, I did nothing. 

And so I turned to the synthetic. I retracted, instead embracing a squalid existence on the outer fringes of the world. The bottle. Extacy. Painkillers. And then ultimately heroin. The extacy and the agony. Do you remember the night you looked into my eyes and told me, with certainty, that I was your soul mate? Melodic vocal trance carrying us high above the clouds, music drifting in and out of our ears like pirouetting huka smoke. There we were above it all and as we drifted along we could see our unborn children at play down below: a boy and a girl. And there we were, you and I, hand in hand, forever in love, growing old. Never separated except by death, and then reunited again in the next life - if we were lucky to find one another again.

And it is here in limbo where I wait. Although it stopped beating long ago, there resides in my heart the tiniest flame barely flickering. A belief... that the vision we shared was in fact not a lie. I wait for you. I wait for redemption. I wait for an inception. I await finality.